Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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