oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
