are you so shy because you have an std?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
