just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
