Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
