I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
