my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
