she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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