i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
