Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.

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(707): View more from California

I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER

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(757): View more from Virginia

Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(

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(623): View more from Arizona

I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby

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(518): View more from New York

I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"

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(479): View more from Arkansas

But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat

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(216): View more from Ohio

it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..

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