please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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