So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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