Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
