just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
