There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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