i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
