hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
