Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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