I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
