I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
