His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
