Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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