Your dad touched me again.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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