It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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