i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
