I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
