Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
