just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
