I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
