alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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