what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude i'm inner monologue high
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize