Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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