He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
