I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
