You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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