I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize