he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
