an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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