I smell stomach acid.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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