I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Vodka?
Forever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
