if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize