Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
