i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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