i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
