So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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