remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
