You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
