..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
