This house was built for laser tag.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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