Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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