that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag