Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"