I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
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Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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