Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night