There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.