bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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