I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
