OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
