Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
