so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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