she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
