PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
