her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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