Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
