I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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