how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
