Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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