My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
