I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
