i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
