i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
