i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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