Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
