I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
