my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
