I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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