We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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