your thong is hanging out like whoa
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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