sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
