it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize